I have been researching for many years and am slowly developing a “theory of happiness”. I think people are happiest when they are growing toward self-actualization. This is often referred to as “transcendence”. That is, they are in the act of becoming who they are. (this is deep Maslowian psychology.) It is the quest that is important here, not so much the results, although one needs to feel a sense of forward movement as encouragement now and then. In my case, I see my primary identity as that of a Rubberist so I strive to become the “best” Rubberist I can be. This implies the building of a skill. (I am not sure exactly what “skills” are involved in being a Rubberist, so that is a big part of my exploration.) This does not mean doing it more but, rather, doing it “better” or, more specifically, doing it with a higher level of consciousness — making each moment in rubber more meaningful. It’s all about practicing mindfulness. (The study of mindfulness is a good place to start!)
For example, a big part of my growth in the last several years has been in developing what I call transcendental rubbering. One aspect of this that I have been working on a lot is applying meditation techniques to my rubbering. Meditation is really nothing more than focused attention. In my case what I am trying to do is develop the mental skills to keep my mind focused on the sensation of the latex against my skin to the exclusion of attention to all else. This is sort of like a “Zen of Rubbering”, so to speak. It’s easy to understand the technique but very difficult to do. Try focusing your mind on anything for more than a few seconds — it’s very hard to do. Even the Zen masters who spend their entire lives in meditation find it a constant battle. I might add, however, that even if you can only focus for a small % of the time, the act of trying to do so can be deeply satisfying. It is a major source of happiness for me. It gives me a way to see my fetish as spiritual practice. (Spirituality is NOT the sole province of religion. It refers to the quest to transcend oneself; to evolve towards higher levels of self-actualization; toward becoming who you are.)
For example, a big part of my growth in the last several years has been in developing what I call transcendental rubbering. One aspect of this that I have been working on a lot is applying meditation techniques to my rubbering. Meditation is really nothing more than focused attention. In my case what I am trying to do is develop the mental skills to keep my mind focused on the sensation of the latex against my skin to the exclusion of attention to all else. This is sort of like a “Zen of Rubbering”, so to speak. It’s easy to understand the technique but very difficult to do. Try focusing your mind on anything for more than a few seconds — it’s very hard to do. Even the Zen masters who spend their entire lives in meditation find it a constant battle. I might add, however, that even if you can only focus for a small % of the time, the act of trying to do so can be deeply satisfying. It is a major source of happiness for me. It gives me a way to see my fetish as spiritual practice. (Spirituality is NOT the sole province of religion. It refers to the quest to transcend oneself; to evolve towards higher levels of self-actualization; toward becoming who you are.)
Rubbering, then, is my “art”. What is yours?
I think these principles could be applied to other kinds of orientation, such as BDSM, etc. In fact, they could be applied to just about all aspects of your personal identity. For example, they could even be utilized in your job. It’s mostly a question of which ones seem to be the most prominent and deserving of the most attention.
Decide who you think you are and then work at becoming more and better at it. Make a “practice” of it.
Grow. Evolve.
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